Gynae OPD at Dhulikhel Hospital – Uncovering the Norm of Social Stigma

A few days ago, I interviewed a female patient in the Gynaecology Outpatient Department (Gynae OPD to those familiar with the term). She was 29 years old and nine weeks pregnant with her fourth child. She already had three girls, the eldest being 13 years of age and the youngest still a toddler. All this was perfectly normal; average even for a patient in Gynae OPD in Nepal; however, this patient caught my attention because she was not here for a simple check up.

Maiya Rana had been instructed by her husband to find out the sex of their unborn child, and to abort it if it was a girl. I looked at her while Dr Shakya, the gynaecology doctor, translated to me, word for word, Maiya's husband's demands. The only emotion I detected in Maiya's countenance was stress as she tried to subdue her irritable toddler, while glancing from me to Dr Shakya. 
Maiya's problem is a problem many married women in rural Nepal face; the burden of bearing a son.  Such a burden rests heavily on the mother's shoulders, who must also carry the weight of social stigma if she does not produce a male successor for her family.

Maiya told us that this was an unwanted pregnancy. In fact, she says, her last daughter, who was born with a cleft palette, was also an unwanted pregnancy. "I only wanted two children," she sighs as she shifts the weight of her sleeping daughter in her lap. Maiya's husband had expected their last daughter to be a boy, but as Dhulikhel Hospital has a policy of not disclosing the sex of the baby during ultrasound check ups for fear of situations such as Maiya's, neither Maiya or her husband knew that they would be having a daughter until she was born.

Maiya says that her husband longs for a boy so badly that they will keep trying until she can conceive one, and every female they conceive from now until then will be aborted - because he says so. I wait for a reaction of shock from the doctor, but she merely continues to listen to Maiya intently. When Maiya pauses, Dr Shakya turns to me and quietly says, "Have you ever heard anything like this before? This is perfectly common here in Nepal. A lot of men here are used to abusing women's rights."

And it's true. Women here who have total control over their bodies are the more privileged ones, for want of a better term. What is considered a basic human right in any developed country is a constant uphill battle for many women here in Nepal, particularly rural areas where literacy levels are low, and fertility rates high. Once a woman such as Maiya is married into a family, she is then and there considered the property of said family. She will cook, she will clean, she will work if the husband wants her to, and she will raise their children – the luckier ones will not have to care for the elder generation on top of her daily duties. Maiya is considered one of the luckier ones.

I ask her why she cannot stand up to her husband. "He tells me I have an easy life, and he is the one earning money. All I have to do is look after the household and bring up our children. I have no money, so how can I say no?" She tells us that she has actually been on the contraceptive pill on and off for nine years, but is reluctant to disclose whether or not her husband knows about this. I ask if she wants to have the baby or the abortion if it was her decision. She replies without thinking, "Choosing either way is criminal. It's a life."

Clearly, her husband's concern is only that Maiya will conceive a boy, with no second thoughts or guilt about using abortion as a form of contraception. No questions have been asked in the first half hour of the consultation about how it will affect Maiya's health. Only after she has spoken to us about her husband's desire for a boy, only after she voices her concern for the health of the baby, and only after she enquires whether or not we can find out the sex of her baby, does she ask, "How will an abortion affect my health?"

But Maiya does not show a shred of self pity, which is the admirable part. She is stronger and more mature than her 29 years betray, possibly because she had to grow up so much quicker than the average 29 year old I know. Married at 17, she knows very little about the world outside of her work and her family. Perhaps this is blessing in disguise, because Maiya's life is not likely to change anytime soon.

Then Maiya tells us something surprising. She says her 13 year old daughter has already said she never wants to get married. "She says I can't take control of anything in the home, so why would she get married?" Maiya says rather bemusedly. She also knows that she is not alone in bearing the pressures of needing to conceive a boy. She tells us a story about a friend who gave birth to four daughters, and then a fifth. According to her friend's husband, they would only be able to bring up the child if it was a boy – so he gave his wife an ultimatum; the daughter or their marriage. The friend chose her marriage, and abandoned their fifth child at the hospital.

As the consultation and interview draws to a close, I am caught off-guard by a question directed at me. Dr Shakya turns to me and asks, "What advice would you give her?"

The only advice going through my mind is too obvious, yet impossible for Maiya to take. I think for a few moments, and try to reply without sounding too ignorant of Maiya's circumstances. "I think you should take control of your body. It's never too late to stand up for yourself, and if you want this child, regardless of the gender, you should keep it. An abortion should be your decision, because it's your health."

Maiya seems satisfied with my answer and is smiling as she leaves, because, she says, having someone to listen to her for a change has been lovely. "Sometimes even when we can't change their lives, just listening to them is a form of a help," says Dr Shakya. "I can't help every woman the way I want to, but I can listen."